Gender essentialism.

Last night, over some delicious (and expertly ordered*) bul kalbi, the lovely bride-to-be MCG started running down the list of men in her wedding party who might be good matches for me. Shameless, I know - but first dibs on the groomsmen is one of the perks of being the maid-of-honor. Anyway, it turns out that they're all too "southern" for me.

I have to admit, I'm kind of scared of falling for a southern man. Not because of the men themselves, whose gentility and chivalry is well documented, but because of southern women. As someone who first learned about Cotillion classes and debutante balls from watching Gilmore Girls reruns, I would be such a disappointment.

While MCG (belle that she is) politely tried to protest, all of the men at the table last night seemed to be in agreement: I would not meet a southern man's expectations, especially those which he inherited from his mother.

But as D said, "It's not because you can't. It's because you won't." And that's probably true.

In the Christian evangelical subculture to which I wholeheartedly (if not always comfortably) belong, I am often labeled by my peers as a "feminist." I grew up in the Wesleyan church, which has been ordaining women since the 1860s. I don't find this theologically shocking. That's pretty much all it takes for me to qualify as a Christian feminist (which feels much more like getting kicked out of a club than getting admitted into one). 

To which I always respond, "Honey, I have an apron collection. I bake bread from scratch. I wear pearls. You have no idea what a feminist is."

Can we just get one thing straight? I love men. I appreciate manliness. I love being a woman, and I love (most things about) femininity. However, I also believe that when God equips people with particular gifts, He likewise places upon us the responsibility to use them - irrespective of which side of the gender line those responsibilities are normally categorized.

Gender differences are real, important, and fun. I just think the boundaries are a little porous, and that there should always be room for individual exceptionalism.

Therefore, I recommend the following lists from First Things for your entertainment**

• 50 things a man should be able to do
• 50 things a woman should be able to do (while I have a long way to go here, I'm totally on top of #22)  

Bonus: I suppose it's only fitting that a complementarian world view would find great value in learning by contrast. Thus:

• 50 things a man should never do
• 50 things a woman should never do

 *thanks again, G!
**HT goes to BStokes, who does an admirable job tackling the first list.